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Jasmine: Why celibacy?
Christian: In the simplest way I can put it, God told me that if I fornicated in my relationships, they would never lead to marriage. I tested Him on that and, of course, I failed. I had relationships that were seemingly “perfect” end for some of the silliest reasons. Each time when I cried and prayed about it, in the most comforting way God reminded me of His promise to me. I also wanted to break some of the cycles I saw within my family regarding marriage. I know this response is a bit deep and there's a little more to it...but it’s the truth and I’m so glad I submitted my will to His.
Jasmine: Has being celibate redefined what romance and intimacy mean to you?
Christian: Absolutely...in the most challenging way! But I love it. It pushes our creativity. Intimate moments for us are trying new recipes together, listening to our favorite songs (we both love music), singing them out loud, having deep, vulnerable conversations, and sometimes just a warm hug on a rough day. Those are just the few things I can think of, but we are always looking for new ways to grow closer.
Jasmine: Have you mastered how to say no when your body is telling you yes, yet?
Christian: I don’t know that I can say I have mastered it. But, I have never given into the temptation. So, I guess I have in that way. When the urge hits, I’m honest about it. I don’t have a problem texting him and telling him “I want you.” I do that for a couple of reasons. For one, it puts him on guard so he knows I am a bit vulnerable at that time and he makes sure to try not to let the temptation go any further. We also do our best to distract each other when it happens. Sometimes we’ll joke about it and laugh it off until the “feeling” dies down. Other times we pray about it if it’s really strong. It really is about the mentality. As females, our bodies tend to respond to what is mentally stimulating, so I try to be aware of what I focus my mind on.
Jasmine: Do you feel you can gauge sexual compatibility without having sex? Is that important for you?
Christian: Yes and yes. I don’t have a problem saying that sexual attraction is important in a relationship. However, it’s nothing that I’m worried about. God knows me better than I know myself, so the man He has for me will be right for me in every way. That’s me being politically correct with it. But there are definitely other ways I know that he’s right for me. He is very sensitive to my body and any changes I might have going on (in a non-sexual way). For example, if I have a random scratch he’ll notice and ask me about it or if I am in any pain he quickly tries to take care to make sure I’m feeling okay in every way. It sounds so simple, but it lets me know that if he is that sensitive to my needs and my body in everyday situations, then when it is time for us to consummate our marriage, he will be even that much more attentive to me.
Jasmine: Is it possible to keep it sexy when being celibate?
Christian: Definitely! Even when I get my nails and feet done I sometimes ask him what kind of color he would like to see on me. He knows I LOVE it when he is wearing good smelling cologne, so he is already wearing something real nice when I see him. We compliment each other all the time. There’s so many ways to be sexy, but keep it celibate.
Jasmine: Tell me about your Dating While Christian ministry and the overall impact you desire it to have.
Christian: Dating While Christian (DWC) is a ministry with a goal and purpose to present the truth about Christian relationships (single, dating, & married). The good, the bad, the great, and the challenges. One of the biggest misconceptions about Christian dating is that you won’t experience some of the issues “the world” does when it comes to dating (cheating, fornication, homosexuality, divorce, etc.) but that’s simply not true. We aren’t exempt from the trials from the world, but it’s all about our response to these trials as believers. My prayer and desire is threefold: 1) To reveal the truth about Christian dating to young, old, and in between no matter your relationship status. 2) To provide them with tools and strategies on how to overcome various challenges and urges that do not coincide with our Christian faith. 3) To show them the beauty of Christian dating & marriages and how exciting, fulfilling, and successful they can be.
Jasmine: For women considering the celibacy vow, what do you feel they can do now to prepare for a relationship without sex?
Christian: It all begins with building your self confidence. Sometimes we feel that our body is the best thing we can offer a man and that if we’re not giving it up he won’t stick around. That usually translates to a lack of confidence in ourselves. You have to be strong enough to know you are worth it without having sex and also strong enough to handle the rejection (and not give in) if he doesn’t want to commit because of it. Because, trust me, I know for a fact that some men just don’t want to deal with it. The next thing I would challenge her with is building her self discipline. Celibacy requires strict discipline and literally rejecting your flesh. A great way to build on this is by fasting. Fasting does a couple of things. Other than celibacy, it is one of the strongest rejections of the flesh and fasting tends to bring revelation. Once you are able to fast, you know you have the ability to deny your flesh and you build on that. It also allows the Holy Spirit to reveal things about yourself that will help you in your walk. Lastly, I would let her know that vowing to celibacy doesn’t mean your urges just go away. Be prepared for days or nights of being horny. That’s a natural feeling and you should not feel guilty about it. But like I said earlier, it’s all about your response. Go ahead and set up a way to deal with it when that feeling arrives. For example, call a friend who you trust and pray together or pull out a crossword puzzle and work on it. The idea is to refocus your mind.
Jasmine: As hard and tempting as it is to save yourself for marriage, do you feel it will be worth the wait in the end?
Christian: Absolutely! The idea of being able to be one with my husband without any guilt or self condemnation makes all the difference in the world. Everything about sex changes when you are married. It transitions from fornication to an act of worship. That’s how drastic it is. So to know that when that time comes, I will have God’s stamp of approval makes every minute worth it!